Questions from the Protective Behaviors Program:

What if someone were home alone and they felt their early warning signs?

(always try to use the word "Someone" referring directly to anyone may be too frightening)

What if some one was being yelled at how could they feel safe?

What if someone was being threatened or hurt or bullied, how could they stay safe?

What if someone was being touched in ways that felt uncomfortable?

What if someone was with two people who were fighting? What could that person do to feel safe?

If someone was calling someone they love names (Mum, Dad Brother, Sister, friend etc.) what could they do?

What if someone was grabbed and they felt unsafe what could they do?

It is important to remember that there are no right or wrong answers to these questions.

The best defense against the conversation degenerating is to acknowledge the answers and change the subject.

Question notes :

Children will come up with all sorts of ideas: go and hide; go to the police station; go to the neighbors house; go to the shop; go to a security guard. They may come up with some really weird ones too. Some of the responses can be really gross and whilst you must stop the discussion from degenerating into silliness the responses need to be acknowledged.

* be with friends
* wet you pants
* go to friends
* yell
* don't go where we don't feel safe
* cry
* PRETEND to panic
* listen
* Throw Tantrum (remain in control)
* spew (throw up)
* Walk in the Middle of the Street
* fart

Never be dismissive of ideas. It shows they are thinking and that is what we want. According to the course I did with the Victorian Police (Australia) some of the really gross things have been known to work.

Whilst you can discuss with the child the idea of making themselves unattractive this should also always be done in the third person. That way the child has the dignity to make the choice for themselves as to whether it is a good idea or not. As always whatever they decide is right and must be accepted as right for them in these cases. Remember they will be the one that has to make the choice not you and it must be supported.

But you must never let a conversation get out of control. If you can't think of anything else, you could say "I'll have to think about that one" or "I'm not sure how that would work". Then quickly move on.

You could say for example:

What if someone were very frightened and decided to throw up or wet themselves. Would that be OK?

What if someone were very frightened and decided to fart or dirty their pants. Would that be OK?

What if someone were very frightened and decided to throw a tantrum or cry or pretend to panic. Would that be OK?

Now it's time to to talk about..... and change the subject

If ever a judoka sound like they are going to share an abuse situation you need to distract them and Make Sure You Talk to them in Private. Get the facts and clarify them before you act on the information.

Sensei

Richard